I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
