Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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