my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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