But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
