I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
