Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
