I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
