i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
