I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
