God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
