i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
