so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize