Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
