If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
