My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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