So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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