I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
