mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
