why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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