her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
