My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize