i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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