how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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