there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
