so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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