he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
