I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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