around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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