whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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