After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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