last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she peed on how many people?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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