"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
