i used baking grease as lip gloss
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
