i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
