i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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