a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's the barista slut.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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