You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
