I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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