i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
