9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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