go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize