Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
