There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize