So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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