smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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