he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
