doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
