and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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