I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
