she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
