just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
