Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So vagazzling was a success
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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