2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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