if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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