yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
