I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
