Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
