We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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