wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
