allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
