operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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