I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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