Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
