there was a trapeze. enough said
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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