It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
