I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
