I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
