I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
