I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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